The High Cost of Negotiating with Amateurs

We've all been there. You're deep into a transaction, focused on the data, the facts, and most importantly, your clients' goals. You have a clear path to closing the deal. Then, you hit a wall—not a structural one, but a human one.

It's the agent on the other side.

It's a common industry frustration: The difference between a smooth negotiation and an overwhelming, emotionally draining battle often comes down to the lack of skill of the agent across the table. I discovered that when both agents are professionals, there's a specific rhythm, a kind of unspoken understanding of the process. We're not battling egos; we're working together to find solutions.

We're speaking almost a secret language - the language of negotiation.

Negotiators present options, offer clues, and find possible workarounds, all while staying civil, not giving away protected information, and recognizing the rhythm of the transaction.

But what happens when you’re negotiating with an amateur?

Strategic Flow or Unnecessary Friction?

I often told my team that negotiating with a broker who knows how to negotiate helps you close the deal, while negotiating with one who doesn't gets in the way of the deal. Have you ever lost a deal and thought, "If not for the other agent, I could have closed that one!"?

In a professional negotiation, there is a strategic flow—a rhythm. Both parties understand the importance of leverage, the timing and importance of concessions, and keeping the principal's emotions out of the driver's seat. When you're a broker, you're often negotiating with two parties: the other agent and your client.

You will need to privately discuss as many options as you can with your client, get their current bottom line, let them decide how you should proceed, then return to the negotiation table in a calm, professional manner and negotiate on their behalf. It's up to you to figure out how to do that. If you're not any good at it, you're doing a disservice to your client.

When two pros are at the table, "no" isn't an insult—it’s usually the other broker's clients' emotions or a justifiable data point, which should be acknowledged and respected by the other side. Skilled negotiators can usually overcome clients' emotions and work with the facts; we respect the goals and move toward the closing table with a laser focus.

The Hidden Costs of Amateur Friction

When an agent for the other side doesn’t understand the mechanics of a negotiation, they introduce unnecessary friction. They mistake "posturing" for the deal to "protecting" the client. They often tend to focus on winning a point rather than winning the closing.

How many times have you heard, "I can't allow my client to do that!" or, "I'm not even going to take that to my client!"? It's usually the "protectors" who say that, not the "negotiators." The way the agent reacts on the other side of the table is a dead giveaway for how you need to proceed. Once you realize you are dealing with a "protector" instead of a negotiator, you need to shift your strategy to carry the weight of the transaction.

The Amateur vs. The Professional

• The Amateur "Protector": Views a "No" as a personal insult or a bar fight. They block information to "save face" and focus on winning a single point. This makes the process a grueling endurance test for everyone involved.

• The Professional "Negotiator": Views a "No" as a data point or a client’s emotion. They offer options and clues to find workarounds, focusing on winning the transaction rather than the argument. They maintain a strategic flow and laser focus.

For the clients, this protective friction is exhausting. It turns what should be an exciting milestone into a grueling endurance test. By the time the keys are finally handed over, the buyers aren't thinking about where the couch will go; they're thinking about how much they hated the process. And, the agents will suffer by way of lost referrals, and maybe a lost client.

In this industry, we are often only as strong as the weakest link in the transaction. This means an amateur co-op isn't just an inconvenience; they are a liability that threatens your client's success—and your reputation for closing deals and earning valuable referrals. Always try to identify the friction and find a way to move past it - or your deal is toast!

Carrying the Deal

When I found myself across the table from an amateur, I figured I had two choices: I could join them in their frustration, or I could step up as the leader of the transaction. For me, the answer was always to try and take the lead.

These are two ways I tried to protect the deal when the other side was creating friction:

• Stay the "Adult in the Room." Amateurs often mistake aggression for advocacy. When they get loud or emotional, you stay quiet and remain professional. By refusing to engage in the "bar fight," you are trying to force the conversation back to negotiation—to maintain an unbroken rhythm. Professionalism is your greatest armor; it keeps the focus on the clients' goals rather than the other agent's ego. Egos are deal killers.

  
  

• Over-Communicate. It’s a hard truth, but sometimes you will have to do your work and the other agent's to ensure your client gets the result they deserve. Over-communicate every detail, document every step, and provide the clarity that the other agent might be lacking. This can be exhausting, but it’s the only way to ensure your message gets across. I would often make the same point three different ways to make sure my message wasn't lost.

The Bottom Line

Who we work across from when representing our clients matters, but how we react to them matters more. By maintaining the rhythm of the deal and absorbing the friction, we don't just close deals—we preserve the joy of homeownership for our clients.

Until next time, keep your standards high,

(h/t to Keith Sconiers for providing the inspiration for this post)

PS: If you have a question, comment, or something to share that is relavant to this post topic, please leave leave me a comment in the box below—I'd love to hear your take.*

*Please note that comments will not immediately post.

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About the Author: I am a retired real estate broker and trainer with a career spanning 45 years. Throughout decades of market changes, I remained dedicated to the idea that real estate is about more than square footage—it’s about the human experience. Today, I write about the lessons learned from a lifetime of helping people find the place that truly feels like home, hoping that sharing these insights will help the next generation of agents better serve their clients and find fulfillment in their own careers.

(C) 2026 Jeff Sorg